I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
