I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
