he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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