if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
