How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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