why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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