did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
