I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
