my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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