i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
