I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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