last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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