Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
