My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When are your genitals available?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
