too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
