he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
