She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need moral support for this bender
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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