I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We had sex on a dog bed..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
