I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
