You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
