i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i believe in u and ur pee
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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