didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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