I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
