Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
