butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
