Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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