Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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