foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
