Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
