Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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