I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize