can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
