listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
