i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
