sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
