Where did you get a picture of my penis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
