I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
