god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's Friday. Sex?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
