there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
