If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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