im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I smell stomach acid.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
