I accidentally burped into my bong.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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