if you like me you must not know who I am
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
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I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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