I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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