I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
