I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Rumble strips road head = magical
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
