"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
