I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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