apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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