the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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