those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
