He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
