My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
