Can Purell be used as lube?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
