Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
