I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
