He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
