I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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