Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
