I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
