My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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