careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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