it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
