HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
