yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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