btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
