we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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