Your face is a jimmy john
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
