gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
