guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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