No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
