I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
