i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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