If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
