Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
