dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
