Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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