Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
