I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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